Category Archives: humor

last 2010 issue of the gauntlet

I absolutely love this week’s cover. A couple of us gave Remi double takes when he asked Sarelle, “Hey, can I put a naked girl on the cover?” We were all a bit wary, but I think the final product turned out quite well and tasteful. Good job, Remi and Christian! The lovely model is a girl named Nicole, a feminist and volunteer at the Women’s Resource Center. She must have been cold though!

It’s been quite the first semester, a crash course in being a Gauntlet editor. I love it so much, though — even when I hate it. I’ve made absolutely wonderful friends, learned a lot and have had so many great experiences. It’s inspiring how everyone there puts so much time and effort into making the Gauntlet something we can all be proud of. Not to mention the camaraderie at the office cheers me up even at the most absurd hours of the night. Thanks to everyone who’s contributed to that! =)

I really like the features section this week too. It was fun to put together and perfect for getting people excited about the break and holiday parties to come. Not to mention the photos were pretty fun to shoot as well. Thanks to Josh and Andy for helping me out. I originally was planning on a more “girly” look, but then I decided it would be more fun to get the boys in there.

Also, my titles are all alphabetical alliterations. It just sort of happened that way.

And of course there was the Gauntlet’s 50 year anniversary history supplement! I put together the ’70s page — check it out! It was really crazy to see what other student journalists wrote over the past 50 years. Some articles are awesome and some were just insane. I imagine they’ll say the same thing about our decade 50 years from now. And yes, of course the Gauntlet will still be around in 50 years. We’ll be the last bastion of print media because we can’t afford to redesign our website.

Also there’s a tiny picture of me on the front cover — as well as pictures of many editors and contributors over the past 50 years. I think I spotted Naheed Nenshi and Ezra Levant — can you? Have fun scouring the intense front cover for familiar faces.

So now as I get back to studying I will leave you with a look at some quotes overheard in the Gauntlet newsroom during the past semester. They pretty much all come from Brent and Andy. Either A) Everyone else just isn’t witty enough or B) Brent and Andy are the loudest in the office so they’re the only ones I can hear anyways. I should probably try to diversify the quotes next semester. Enjoy!

  • “You’ve changed, Sarelle. You’ve sold out, just like the double rainbow guy.”
  • “Actually, when you think about it, Star Wars is a great movie about what people with amputations can accomplish.”
  • “Quitting early? It’s not even tomorrow yet!”
  • “No narwhal this week, that’s fo’ sho!”
  • “We should use Paint to layout the paper, I hear its more stable than InDesign.”
  • “You know what I just realized? You have the same haircut as Ahmadinejad.”
  • “I’m not malicious, I’m delicious!”
  • “Who thinks I swear too much? Give me a f***ing answer!”
  • “You owe me big for not saying in today’s meeting  your outfit makes you look like Link from Legend of Zelda.”
  • “There are fruit flies attacking my scotch!”
  • “You’re a phony!” “I’m gonna beat you with this phone, then we’ll see who’s phony!”
  • “Could a man who loves bubbles this much be racist?”

a conversation with writer john devore

You may recall one of my earlier posts extolling the writing of a certain John DeVore (I write sophisticated reviews, clearly). Well, I decided that he and I should probably talk about writing,  blogging and media and he kindly obliged to answer some of  my questions!

DeVore has written for a plethora of different websites on many different subjects, hosted a talk radio show on Sirius Satellite Network, writes plays and makes regular TV appearances as the “sacrificial liberal” on Fox News’ late night talk show Red Eye. Currently he is the deputy editor of Premier.com, writes a weekly column called Mind of Man at The Frisky and gives relationship advice at Guy Speak. For more background information on DeVore you can check out his website here!

So let’s jump right to it.

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What is your favorite subject to write about?

DeVore: Well, look, I am a hack writer. A lot of people cringe when I say that, but you know, I’ve lived in New York for 14 years and that was incredibly important to me — to make a living as a writer. So the first thing I like to write the most is whatever pays. I do like plays and I make absolutely zero — I make negative money on that. But really, I’m a hack writer, I write for hire. And I tell a lot of young writers too, anyone that really loves to write really loves to write anything. You know, a writer writes. A writer wants to be read, a writer has a degree of vanity, he or she likes to see his or her byline…but write whatever. I’ve written some incredibly soulless stuff and I’ve written stuff that I’m very proud of.

I like to write for money and if I write for love then, you know…I do like plays. The theater and the internet are kind of similar in a way.

How so?

DeVore: They’re both live mediums. I mean, the web isn’t a dead page. A magazine was written in the past and web is now – it’s live and it’s throbbing and it’s breathing. Bloggers and playwrights both know what it’s like to write for a live audience and both know what it’s like to endure immediate praise or immediate scorn. Playwrights live to have their words spoken to a live audience and there’s no greater thrill than that audience laughing and there’s no greater pain than that audience sitting in stony silence or asleep.

How about your relationship writing? You’re not a psychologist, you’re just a guy who’s dated a lot of girls and they pay you to write about it?

DeVore: When I write about relationships, of course I’m not a therapist or a psychologist…  Good relationship writing asks very basic moral questions. You know, what is right, what is wrong? And as a blogger my job is to try, and without being a dick – and granted there are plenty of dicks online – try to create conversation. A lot of my pieces start with an opinion and then I just sort of blabber from there. But you know, I want to start a conversation, that’s what makes blog writing blog writing. That’s what makes web writing web writing. I’m not trying to be the last word, I’m trying to be the first word. This week I make the statement that I don’t think two people of opposing political parties can fall in love. I don’t, but that doesn’t matter whether I’m right or wrong. You look at the comments and people are engaging. They say “No, I don’t agree with that,” “Yes, I agree with that.”

There was a debate at my university between Howard Dean and Fred Thompson moderated by Mark Steyn. A couple of my friends asked me, “Oh are you into American politics?” and I was like, “Well, I was, but not really,” and they asked why. The conclusion I came to was that there was just so much entertainment everywhere. The media and everyone had just turned everything into a joke, into a punchline. Everything was put up as entertainment value instead of informational value…

They call it the Information Age with the internet, but I’m looking at it as the entertainment age because that’s what gets the hits, that’s what gets the people reading. Do you think there is possibly too much entertainment?

DeVore: A lot of people criticize the media, but I’m in the media and we’re really not that smart. You know, there’s this idea that the media is this powerful pillar that dictates things to the people. The media has always been a marketplace….The media dictates nothing.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s tons of information out there. It is the Information Age. There’s an impressive amount of information out there for the taking. There’s a lot out there a generation ago most people wouldn’t have even had access to, but people don’t want that — they want showbiz. They want to feel hope or they want to feel anger. They want to feel, you know? And yes, I do contribute to the decline of western civilization.

[laughs] I’m not saying that!

No no no, it’s okay, it’s okay, Emily, I know what you’re getting around. I know what this is — this is a “gotcha” interview!

Yes, you found me out, I’m the next greatest journalist there ever was!

[laughs] You’re going to misquote me! John DeVore says, ‘I am the decline of western—’  actually that’d be a great quote.

Well, you write for pay, you write for whatever, but hey – if it’s good writing, it’s good writing no matter what it is.

Well, when I say I’m a hack writer that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it, I love it!

So what are five things you always look for or try to achieve with your writing? What do you try to go for to make your pieces good?

Be entertaining. Be compelling. You know, be concise. Respect the flow. Sometimes when you’re writing it takes a lot of effort to get started. It’s really tough to get into it, like jogging. I hurts until you reach a point where it doesn’t hurt. When you hit that point where it’s just flowing out of you and the music’s playing, that’s great, don’t fight that. And be very wary of over-editing the stuff that you’re writing when you’re in that flow. Don’t tell but show. Make people feel. If you can make a person feel something, that’s incredibly valuable. If you can make them feel, if you can make them cry, if you can make them laugh, if you make them horny, if you make them feel something, that’s a hell of a thing for a writer to be able to do.

Do you have any plans to write a book?

I’ve thought about that and I’ve talked to agents and editors, but right now in my life I am a blogger. It’s such a new thing, people just don’t get it. It was only ’95 that the browser as we know it was invented and back in 1999 I was in print magazines and I made the decision to jump online. People weren’t doing it, I was told I would destroy my career.

But you know, every writer has their romantic writer heroes. Like any friggin’ douchebag male wannabe writer in high school, I loved the Beats, I loved Kerouac. Cliche as hell, but I remember in ’99 asking myself, who was a writing hero of mine and would he have gone online? And I had to say ‘Yeah!’ That’s what it’s about, new ways of writing, new ways of communicating, new kinds of music, new social movements – he actually would have been online. So I kind of feel excited being part of the evolution of something that has never been before.

There are a lot of people who grew up being like, “I want to be a magazine writer.” But really at the end of the day, I want to be a writer. I want to make a living writing. And if that means…Well, bloggers don’t get any respect, that’s a pretty good bet. You know, but history’s shown groups of people who were pioneering something and got no respect.

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stand-up comedy

Here’s my article about amateur stand up comedy in Calgary. I think it’s a lot better than some of my other ones because it’s shorter. I think I was stretching some of my other articles out longer than they need to be…

Anyways, it was pretty fun to check out all the sweet comedy shows and meet some very talented comedians! I hope it inspires people to get out there and support amateur comedy, or maybe even try it out themselves!

Also keep an eye out for the great  local comedians I interviewed for the article: Jeff Toth, Katryna Chan and Donovan Deschner!

how to report the news

This is why I could never do TV journalism…lol.

problem solving with ben cannon: first years

My friend Mark made an appearance on probably the best Problem Solving segment I’ve seen. Good job Ben, Mark and the rest of the folks at NUTV!

you are not allowed in my fort

Bahaha…

Okay, Ward 7 post coming up soon. Maybe tomorrow.

can’t sleep

How convenient that the first week of school is when my body decides to tell me, “Oh hey, I’m not going to let you fall asleep before 3am anymore. Have fun doing all those things you need to do, haha!”

Conveniently, my boyfriend has a radio show at this ungodly hour, so I will listen to that as I write a blog post.

So as you might have noticed, I am now contributing to CalgaryPolitics.com! It’s a bit insane as I already have a lot going on with school, the Gauntlet, and CJSW, but I just couldn’t resist. I’m a dork that way, I just can’t get away from blogging no matter what I do. Plus I’m super excited to be working with the other bloggers there who are insanely smart and know so much more about civic politics than I do, honestly. Like pretty much everything in my life right now, this will be an interesting learning experience.

I met most of the other bloggers from Calgary Politics tonight at Beckham’s Pub and had a lot of fun. They’re all really nice guys, just so normal – and I mean that in the best possible way! They just really like politics is all. And Twitter. Oh man, we started a hashtag that at one point was the #2 trending topic in Canada…=P

We were joking about how a big part of Jon Lord’s platform is that he is “the first” and “the best” at everything. So lightheartedly, we started the hashtag #jonlord1st right there at the bar, tweeting from our phones. Now Jon can also say he was the first candidate to be the subject of a #2 trending topic in Canada!

Anyways, it was quite a lot of fun. =)

I was also going to mention I was on QR77 last Wednesday. Apparently Mike Blanchard liked my Kensington’s Night Out post on Calgary Politics and wanted to talk to me about it, so they called me up and I talked about shopping in Calgary for approximately 4 minutes (which goes by really fast, btw.) But it was fun!

Oh, and I’m having a Features meeting this Monday at 4pm at the Gauntlet office on campus. 3rd floor of Mac Hall. Come by! Say hi! I sort of live there.

Okay, I’m gonna try sleeping now.

Images: www.hootsuite.com

Masked Man for Mayor!

Click the image to watch the video.

Hey, he’s upfront about his mask instead of pretending it isn’t there and puts the “casual” in business casual. What more could you want?

As for the pajama pants…well, candidates, don’t look on in jealousy because you can’t afford the bad photo op despite the undeniable comforts. That’s what Twibates are for: debating and campaigning in pajamas. Striped, polka-dot, or Pokemon pajamas. Aren’t you tired of wearing suits and cowboy hats? I don’t know why you wouldn’t participate given the chance!

(As an aside, if any of the candidates, aldermanic or mayoral, send me a picture of themselves in Pokemon pajamas, they’ll have my vote on the spot.)

Cross posted from CalgaryPolitics.com.

this is amazing

yeehaw!

Michael Ignatieff’s political haul vlog.

IGGY: Hey, guys! Look, I bought Cowboy Boots! Look at how much better I can relate to you now! Yeah! High fives for Cowboy Boots!”

ME: *blank stare* You gotta give the guy credit for trying, at least.

IGGY: No high five then…? Oh. Umm…how about a pat on the back?

ME: Well….Aw, eff it. Okay!

IGGY: YEAH! I knew you Western Cowboy Wranglers would come around!

this is the part where i judge a book entirely by its cover

My boyfriend and I went to Chapters the other day to find a book to read together, cause it’s a thing we do sometimes. Anyways, we wanted to find a Christian book but the dominating authors in the Christian section were Brian McLaren, Joel Osteen, and Joyce Meyer.

I’m pretty sure many authors write books simply to fill pages and pay the bills.

Let me say something about Brian McLaren – and this is completely an opinion, just a feeling I have. He’s an asshole.

“The Secret Message of Jesus.” With this very title he claims that Jesus has a secret and he, Brian McLaren, knows what it is. Which is sort of a jerk thing to do for Christians who do have a personal relationship with Jesus, have read the Bible extensively, and accomplish amazing things without ever hearing of  McLaren.

Using the word “secret” insinuates exclusivity. The readers of McLaren’s book have thus been let in on this secret that so many have apparently missed.

Back cover: “What if many have carried on a religion that somewhere along the way missed the rich and radical treasures hidden in the essential message of Jesus?”

You can’t simply read the Bible like so many Christians have done; you have to read McLaren’s book to find the “hidden” “secret” we’ve been missing all along. It’s not about Jesus’ message – it’s about McLaren’s.

This is the part where you tell me I can’t judge a book by its cover, even though I already stated that was what I was going to do. Okay, if anyone wants to review this book in its entirety I will host it on my blog. The ‘asshole’ wordcount must be at least 7.

I’m kidding.

steve martin

You know, I really like Steve Martin a lot lately. I don’t know why, I never really was into him before, except for maybe Father of the Bride (which, by the way, is a great movie. Also Part II, actually. Both very good). But Cheaper by the Dozen (I and II), Pink Panther (I and II) and Bringing Down the House? Definite pass.

However, I did recently discover he plays the banjo (I guess I’m young cause apparently he’s been doing it since the 70′s) and bought his album The Crow for my aspiring banjo-player boyfriend – and ended up liking it quite a bit myself. Awhile back I watched Shopgirl out of the blue, which Martin wrote and starred in, and enjoyed it a lot too. It’s a drama, really, and for once no one gets chased by dogs. And then today I watched It’s Complicated, which is something like a dramedy, where Martin plays a supporting role. Again, no slapstick involving food, dogs or food and dogs. It was enjoyable and sweet. I like his subtler side.

That’s pretty much it.

I’m trying to write something once a day now, btw, so you might see random stuff like this more often.

john devore is pretty great

Image: thefrisky.com

I wish I could write like John DeVore. Why? Because he’s really funny and always writes about how awesome both the sexes are. He’s consistently like, “Damn, all women are fine, especially if they have curves and watch Sex and the City!” and then he’s like, “Being a man is the best. I may be in touch with my feminine side, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to go wrestle a shark with my bare hands today.”

I usually can’t stand to read relationship articles because they’re either preachy, boring, dramatic, or simply filled with bad ideas. I make sure to read every new article by DeVore though, because he’s hilarious and I find he usually hits the mark. If he wrote a book I would buy it in a second. He’s Dave Barry-esque, but with a practical side.

“It’s almost a narcotic effect, when one of these graceful women wraps their legs around you, holding you close, yielding and demanding surrender at the same time. It’s … sensual? Did I really just type that? Surely, there’s a more testosterone-friendly way of saying “sensual.” Like, “slow boner?” Oh, well.”

———————

Men don’t have “guilty pleasures.”  We own, nay, celebrate what’s bad for us. Our obsessions are points of pride, not shame. You’ll never see a guy wolf down a small mountain of waffles with a side of pig and squeal, “OMG, I can’t beliiiiieeeeve I ate everything! Tee! Hee!”

He’s also a guest on Red Eye, my favourite show ever, which is awesome.

Anyways, I hope he writes a book.

best twitter update ever

Excellent.

parody campaigns

This story first started out when I thought a user on Twitter called @Alnoor_Kassam was the real Alnoor Kassam. I thought maybe he was trying to be ironically uncool because he was saying funny but weird things, but then his Tweets started to be really weird and then I figured it was an impersonator. Ric McIver also had an impersonator, but his was more obvious as his name is @FakeRicMcIver.

So I thought it would be a fun story. And it was. The day I was working on it, Jeremy Zhao’s Ward 15 website was ordered to shut down, so I figured I could incorporate him into the story as well. I really agree with him when he says that people in Calgary are often angry about things and don’t have much of a sense of humor. I think people avoid municipal politics (and politics in general) because it’s boring and people are always upset about stuff. Not saying people shouldn’t get upset, but sometimes you do need to lighten up.

That’s my goal this summer – to make municipal politics fun and engaging. I’m gonna work on some more fun municipal stuff today that hopefully will air next week. I’ll keep ya posted.

I got Alex, fellow summer staff and graphic designer for the summer, to do the voiceover because sometimes I don’t like my voice. He did a pretty sweet job and it was his first time on the radio, so we had fun recording that =)

Oh, and I wrote a Gauntlet article about this as well, except all my audio was in a production room and everyone was using it, so I couldn’t use it in time to write the article. So a lot is paraphrased. It’s not the best, but it does the trick for a brief, I guess.

sometimes i do radio stuff

Because I am really bored of studying mythology right now we will look back into the dusty archives of my life a few months ago. Man, do I look like a geek in this picture.

I got involved with the Gauntlet‘s radio show on CJSW, Off the Page, back in January. It was definitely a lot of fun even though I had no idea what I was doing. It was canceled in March, but I’m glad I was able to help out before it went under. It became really hard to keep up as the semester continued, as Brent and I were the only ones from the Gauntlet who knew how to edit audio using LogicPro (and I just barely knew what I was doing). So considering that it was just the two of us, we tried our best, but you can definitely tell students put it together, lol.

I always thought I would love to host my own radio or TV show – and I still do – but I would almost prefer to produce it instead, if that ever happened, and let someone else take the limelight. I just don’t feel comfortable with the attention and pressure of having to say something funny or smart all the time. Thank God for editing, but sometimes even that can’t save you. Well, yes it can. You just have to be really good at editing. But editing is a bitch, so it’s better to get it right the first time.

Anyways, I thought it would be a good idea to interview everybody during production night just for fun. This was actually the first production night I’d been to and didn’t know anyone at all. It’s kind of funny remembering that I was just meeting these people for the first time here but now I know them all a lot better. It was slightly awkward but still fun making this episode =)

So behold, Off the Page from January 26, 2010.

finals suck

…and so I will direct you to some other cool posts you should probably check out:

blogiraptor has a great post on the worst (and most hilarious) superheroes, like animal-vegetable-mineral-man. Good material for putting off studying =)

Remi Watts has a post about the various responses my book review has garnered on Facebook. Go here to contribute to the discussion about sex, lol.

Nick Walks the Dinosaur is a cute webcomic and also a nice distraction from studying.

You know, how about you just check out my blogroll. You’re bound to find something you like there.

Also, I just finished reading the Bacchae studying for my Mythology final. Dionysus is bat-shit crazy.

last gauntlet production night of the year

I can’t believe a year has gone by already. I’ve made so many new friends and been to some crazy events (some not-so-crazy. oh you public policy talks) and somehow even co-hosted a radio show for a very, very brief amount of time. I have slept on the couch in the office, stayed up til 5:30 am working at the office wishing I could sleep on the couch, and ate a lot of Pizza 73.

I have seen Remi  in a skirt made out of the newspaper. And I have seen Noah pour Pepsi all over himself.

And apparently I can do a pretty good impersonation of Elaine’s dancing from Seinfeld. Life skills!

Never a dull moment. Next year is going to rock.

Harper ignores Bono, meets Chad Kroeger instead

So, I found a funny article from 2007 someone posted on Twitter.

Prime Minister Stephen Harper snubbed U2 singer and activist Bono at the G8 summit, saying he is too busy to discuss the African AIDS crisis with him.

“My priority here this week is to meet with other leaders,” Harper told reporters in Heiligendamm, Germany, where the summit is being held.

“Meeting celebrities isn’t my shtick,” he added. “That was the shtick of the previous guy.”

By the “previous guy,” Harper was referring to former Liberal prime minister Paul Martin, who met with Bono several times.

Then a hilarious Tweet showed up from the Prime Minister himself:
And then I was sad.

get a little action tonight

Here is The Expendables trailer. Watch and be in awe.

Now I know it’s often a bad idea to judge a movie by its trailer…but this legitimately looks awesome. Finally, an action flick featuring 80′s and 90′s stars that doesn’t revive and mutilate a beloved franchise (Die Hard 4, anyone? Rocky MXXVIII?).

There’s something about swashbuckling, cynical, action/adventure heroes that I just totally love. They’re usually jaded, looking out for number one, but have a streak of integrity that in the end forces them to do the right thing and save the day. Hot.

Let’s take a trip down memory lane and reminisce my love for action heroes:


Okay, so here is the classic Die Hard dvd stand turned bookshelf. I worked at Superstore a couple years ago and totally called dibs on it when the electronics department was about to throw it away. I thought it was funny that such a bookshelf should be the home of Anna Karenina, The Complete Works of Shakespeare and many C.S Lewis books – although the Tom Clancy was right at home. I had to give it away last year when we moved, but it is in the hands of good friends now.

Then there was the time I coerced a group of friends to dress up as John Mclane for the Live Free or Die Hard premier. Yes, we are wearing wifebeaters, dress pants and flip flops. It’s the attention to detail that counts (Flip flops were the closest thing to barefoot. O what a dork am I). You know, because John McLane was barefoot the entire movie. Anyways, I don’t think anyone who saw us really caught on. I think they all thought we were servers who just got off work or something.

And then there was the Indiana Jones 4 premier….had to dress up for that, of course. Btw, those are straw hats we painted brown because we were too poor to buy real fedoras. I was an epic wannabe once. Back in the day. Definitely not anymore…nope.

….The Expendables premier, anyone?