I thought socialism was a dead fish by now, but unfortunately a dead fish can still be used as a weapon, however annoying it may be. Have you ever been hit with a dead fish? It just sucks. It’s a pretty non-threatening attack – after all, what harm can a dead fish really do? It just seems like such a silly thing to be concerned about, so you let it slide. Thwack! There’s a bit off your paycheck. Thwack! There’s a bit extra you’re paying for vodka. Thwack! That’s the sound of the state-supported meth addict next door convinced he can walk through walls. Nobody takes action, nothing happens, and then everything just starts smelling terribly and no one can figure out why.

That said, would I rather my country smell like dead fish or be filled with the screams of people devoured by raptors? Obviously, I choose the latter.

First off, the people devoured by raptors will probably deserve it (Hey, they did make THREE Jurassic Park movies. Not my fault you weren’t prepared).

Secondly, people are more apt to recognize direct threats than indirect ones, thus we’d probably have a better chance of surviving a direct threat simply because we’d recognize it as such. Raptors = BAD. Dead fish = ???

And Sorry Obama, you can’t negotiate with raptors. They want to eat you. It’s pretty black-and-white (is that racist?) even for the average human to understand. With that said, my third point is that it would drive humans together with such strong values for life that they will actually LIVE. When politics are thrown out the window and all the annoying intellectuals and pricks are eaten by raptors, things everyone KNOWS are right in their gut will surface: love, hope, kindness, fraternity, honor, chivalry, friendship, and courage. No more of this, “Nothing matters because it’s all just matter” and unaccountability rubbish – that’s the spirit that gets you eaten, and frankly, good riddance!

That said, I think our character would be made of a much stronger fibre facing raptors than if we let ourselves be humiliated and beaten by dead fish every day. That is why I favor raptors over socialism.