I thought socialism was a dead fish by now, but unfortunately a dead fish can still be used as a weapon, however annoying it may be. Have you ever been hit with a dead fish? It just sucks. It’s a pretty non-threatening attack – after all, what harm can a dead fish really do? It just seems like such a silly thing to be concerned about, so you let it slide. Thwack! There’s a bit off your paycheck. Thwack! There’s a bit extra you’re paying for vodka. Thwack! That’s the sound of the state-supported meth addict next door convinced he can walk through walls. Nobody takes action, nothing happens, and then everything just starts smelling terribly and no one can figure out why.

That said, would I rather my country smell like dead fish or be filled with the screams of people devoured by raptors? Obviously, I choose the latter.

First off, the people devoured by raptors will probably deserve it (Hey, they did make THREE Jurassic Park movies. Not my fault you weren’t prepared).

Secondly, people are more apt to recognize direct threats than indirect ones, thus we’d probably have a better chance of surviving a direct threat simply because we’d recognize it as such. Raptors = BAD. Dead fish = ???

And Sorry Obama, you can’t negotiate with raptors. They want to eat you. It’s pretty black-and-white (is that racist?) even for the average human to understand. With that said, my third point is that it would drive humans together with such strong values for life that they will actually LIVE. When politics are thrown out the window and all the annoying intellectuals and pricks are eaten by raptors, things everyone KNOWS are right in their gut will surface: love, hope, kindness, fraternity, honor, chivalry, friendship, and courage. No more of this, “Nothing matters because it’s all just matter” and unaccountability rubbish – that’s the spirit that gets you eaten, and frankly, good riddance!

That said, I think our character would be made of a much stronger fibre facing raptors than if we let ourselves be humiliated and beaten by dead fish every day. That is why I favor raptors over socialism.

SO AWESOME. Read it.

That’s all I really can say.

I mean, if you’ve been following this blog at all, you know I don’t just plow through books, I take my time.

Well I finished this in like, A DAY, so I think that’s saying something.

But seriously, this opens up a whole new world of reading that I am excited to explore: graphic novels.

Pilgrim’s Progress. That’s what she was reading. He had dated younger girls before and got away with it – there was no reason he shouldn’t invite her to sit with him. There was nothing he could learn from her, of course. He’d entertain her young intellect with conversation in exchange for the awe she would shower him with upon hearing his superior understanding.  Though he’d never been the victim of girls beating down his door, he did not think he was an unfortunate looking man. They were attracted to his confidence, intelligence, and the sophistication of dating an older man.

But this girl was not what he was hoping for. She did not know anything about Hume, had not read any philosophy save Socrates and Marcus Aurelius. She smiled and told him she had bought Pilgrim’s Progress for her boyfriend. Boyfriend? He didn’t give a damn about Pilgrim’s Progress, save that it indicated the young female reader might have a shred of intelligence and an interest in a well-read (over a thousand books, he told her) middle-aged man.

He grew frustrated with her naïveté. Stupid girl. An unsophisticated sheep of religion, smiling and oblivious.  She laughed like she did not even understand she was being insulted. Get out of here, girl. Go back to your boyfriend and bubble-gum, while I ask questions of the universe. Go back to your silly spirituality, your myths; I’m looking for someone who does not deny physics or the impressiveness of my intellect.

She left. Finally. Poor girl. The inability to decipher nuance would not get her very far.

This coffee shop was a good spot for meeting girls though. Of course he was not a dirty old man. He would not settle for any young pretty airhead to boost his ego, he wanted to find an equal. Not too equal, of course, but equal enough to be entertaining and not a headache. They were pretty here. Many religious, but the trick was finding the fashionable sort. The sort who saw wisdom in all religions but didn’t pledge loyalty to any one in particular. The reasonable sort. The modern sort.

How unfortunate girls like the one who had just left were still around.

—

Pilgrim’s Progress. It had been awhile since she had read it. Her boyfriend had never even heard of it until she told him. She would have to buy him a modern translation though – if she could hardly get through the Old English she didn’t expect him to. Sure, some of its original charm would be lost in translation, but this way it stood a better chance of being read.

The man two tables over asked her to sit with him – he had seen her reading and was curious. Well if some old man was curious about Pilgrim’s Progress and about God, then why would she pass up an opportunity to answer his questions? What might she learn from him? What might he learn from her?

But he didn’t seem to want to talk anything about Pilgrim’s Progress. He handed her his Hume book and proceeded to explain Hume’s philosophy. He talked about philosophy, he talked about himself,  he talked about the thousand books he had read. Impressive, yes, but it wasn’t a very profitable conversation. She had come to talk about Pilgrim’s Progress – why then was he insulting her when she was unable to contribute to a completely different topic? She had not read any philosophy, save Socrates and Marcus Aurelius, but he was pretty obsessed with Hume and Kant and wouldn’t let the conversation be swayed elsewhere. She sat politely and listened, not knowing what to say or do.

“If you were a man or an unattractive woman reading Pilgrim’s Progress, I would not have asked you over.”

Stupid girl, they thought simultaneously.

So, I started reading Ben Hur by Lew Wallace because I love the movie, however, the book is incredibly dry. It reads like a textbook, and the first 70 pages are about the nativity story which, really, is quite boring. I finally figured this out around 30 pages in and skipped ahead to where Ben Hur’s story starts.

However, I just bought The Watchmen today, the graphic novel by by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons, and will probably spend the next few days reading through that. I know quite a few people who have read it who say that it’s pretty amazing, so I’m excited to read it. Also, I’ve never read a graphic novel before, so this will be a first. I’ll keep you posted.

Who else to tell the story of Ronald Reagan than The Great Communicator himself? Reagan’s autobiography is full of the ideas, conviction and faith that guided his life and political career, but thankfully unaccompanied by self-reverent narrative pomp

His life is fascinating. He lived through the depression, played football in college, became a sports announcer, actor, television host, public speaker, and eventually a politician. At first he was reluctant to enter politics and had to be prodded along to run for the governor of California. After his success in California though, he was ready to move up – America agreed, and in 1981 he became President of the United States, a title he would hold for the next eight years.

Reagan’s writing style is very engaging, thankfully, which means you can learn all about history, economics and politics without feeling like you’re reading a dusty old textbook (or even a new one, for that matter.) You can really feel Reagan’s optimism and conviction through his words; the way he writes impacts you as much as what he writes. I imagine his public speaking was the same way – engaging, inspiring and substantial.

If you want a clear-cut understanding of classic Conservative ideology I highly recommend this book. Also to be found: romance, guns, Molotov cocktails, assassination attempts, Russians!, hostages, terrorism, riots, pending nuclear war, football, international trade disputes, guerillas, treaties…my word, this book has it all.

Save the Males looks at feminist culture in North America and explains how it is now detrimental to men and boys growing up. The first wave of feminism gave women the right to vote, the second wave gave them abortions and divorces, and the third, current wave of feminism has made women into pornstars. It’s not so much about equality anymore as it is about “goddess worship.”

Parker asserts that the importance of fatherhood is being undermined and efforts are being made to prove it as completely unnecessary. “Now becoming a single mother isn’t so much an accident as, for some, a goal.” Artificial insemination and adoption among single women is on the rise and men are taking note. If their role as good role models and fathers really isn’t that important, then why bother stepping up to the plate to be just that?

On television, nary is a program found where the father isn’t a bumbling buffoon and, well, thank God he’s got a wife to take care of him; The Simpsons, Family Guy, Everybody Loves Raymond, and Malcolm in the Middle come to mind.

I picked up this book because it’s been an issue I’ve been following here or there on the internet (Dr. Helen’s blog comes to mind). I love men and the idea of chivalry, manliness, and the fact that, no, I really can’t open this jar by myself; yes, I really would prefer a man in the house to defend me in case of an intruder, and no, I don’t think that every guy I see on the street is a potential rapist.

She covers other issues in the book such as women in the military, pornography, The Vagina Monologues, child support and unfair divorce proceedings that favor women over men.

Kathleen Parker asks for a fourth wave of “reasonable” feminism to come around, one that encourages men to be as amazing as we know they are capable of, not just “non-threatening” waxed-up metros with great style. Nature is being thrown out of whack with all this “men aren’t necessary anymore” banter. Women need to get over themselves, stop standing over mirrors and realize that.

So, I have never actually read one of his books. Yet. But Jurassic Park has always been on my Must Read list, considering the movie was pretty much one of the greatest things I have ever witnessed. Thank you for Jurassic Park. If I can contribute something half as awesome to the world one day, I will be content.

YES. lol.

(heads up, language warning)

directed by Francis Ford Coppola, starring Matt Damon, Danny Devito, Jon Voigt and Claire Danes

Augh. What a terrible and boring movie. And were all musical scores in the 90’s so cheesy? Worst. Ever.

Danny Devito was pretty awesome as Deck Shiffler, the sidekick, but that’s pretty much all the acting credit this movie gets; everyone else sounded like they were reading a script. Matt Damon bores as Rudy Baylor. Jon Voigt was alright, I guess, as Leo F. Drummond, the adversary, but that’s about it.

See, they didn’t put enough focus on Rudy. This guy had it rough and he was working hard. He filed for bankruptcy, was evicted, doorknocking on firms looking for a job, working late at the bar only to wake up at the crack of dawn to do yardwork. The movie, of course, lets us know all this, but just doesn’t put as much emphasis on it. I guess in a movie you can only spend so much time on one part of the plot, but that part was the reason I liked the book so much.

However, when it came to aesthetics, the characters and the settings all looked almost exactly how I had imagined them, with the exception of Donny Ray. I thought he would look far more emaciated – instead they got a James Franco look alike to talk faintly and tell us he was dying. Didn’t quite work for me.

I’m not sure how I feel about the adaptation from book to screen either. I mean, granted, scenes were omitted for time, and the scenes they did keep were hardly altered from the book…but I just felt they didn’t flow together well enough. Everything was very choppy, like the purpose of each scene was merely getting to the next scene, instead of drawing you in and making you care about what was happening to the characters right then.

But you know, I always complain that movie scripts never stay true to the book, and this one still did, so I’ll give it kudos for that.

3.5/5

Soooo awesome. Let it be known that next to John Kelly, Rudy Baylor is my fictional hero.

Rudy Baylor is a law student in Memphis – a city overcrowded with lawyers. He’s fired from his firm before he even starts working, so he’s stuck filing for bankruptcy, doing yardwork for rent, bartending at night and door-knocking on small firms in attempts to find any sort of legal work.

Through one of his classes, Legal Advice for the Elderly (or something like that), he picks up a bad-faith case against a massive insurance company, Great Benefit. Rudy and his client file suit – they have all the right cards, but no experience – while Great Benefit hires a team of experienced and successful lawyers to defend itself. It sounds boring, but Grisham’s characters are so engaging that you actually care about the legal paperwork.

“Mr. Leo F. Drummond may be a litigating wizard, and he may have countless minions at his beck and call, but I, Rudy Baylor, have nothing else to do. I’m bright and I can work. He wants to start a paper war with me, fine. I’ll smother him.”

“…And if I get tossed in the street, it’s happened before. I’ve managed to land on my feet.”

Rudy Baylor possesses a work ethic I envy, and pretty much kicks ass at everything too.

This book is awesome. Read it.